Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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