i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
