Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize