no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
