I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
