dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
