how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
