don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
