# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
