babies were throwing up all over the place
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
