We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
