So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
