Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
