Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
