cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
