The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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