I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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