How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
