I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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