He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
