it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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