He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
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Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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