his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
