Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
