Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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