Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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