I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
