I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
