If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
