i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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