hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
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