Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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