; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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