Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
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