JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
