"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
