I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
