i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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