How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
