Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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