I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
