Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
