I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
