the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
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