I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
