You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
