JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Randomize
