I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize