New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
