If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
