turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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