she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
