I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
