im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
well you can't waste a boner
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
