I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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