Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
My feet surprised me
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
