i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
