Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
