6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
