if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
