nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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