Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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