I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
