I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
