That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
