I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
