id be glad to
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
