I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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