Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
