I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
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