Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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