someone threw a dead crab at me
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
