based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
