He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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