i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
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